When I was a senior in high school, I got "caught". I had made some bad choices at the private boarding school I was attending, and they sent me home early for the winter break. During the break, they called my dad and said they were deciding if I could return or was "kicked out". My parents, friends, and people in "high places" wrote letters on my behalf. The following week, word came: I was booted out. I could not return to friends, school, nor the successes I had enjoyed in high school.
As I sat in my bedroom back home in Utah, and contemplated the fact I wouldn't be going back to my friends in California, and wouldn't graduate with them from high school, I felt like an epic failure. I was alone, my parents weren't happy with me, and I had no clue what to do next. My dad was a minister, and I was embarrassing him, and I knew it. I wanted to leave and run away. Life sucked.
I immediately started working, took the GED, and spent the next 7 months working hard and trying to rebuild my life and figure out how to bounce back from this failure. I didn't have a high school diploma, didn't get to walk a stage for graduation, and worst, didn't get to hang with friends two states away as the senior year wound down. I though, was determined to not be a loser and failure, and I was determined to recover. I was determined to find my way back into good graces and show I could be someone. I was going to go to college, and prove I could be a productive adult.
That summer, I had an epic adventure and wanted to prove I was responsible and could do something that many 18-19 year-old kids couldn't. I bought a plane ticket to France, bought a 30 day Eurorail pass to travel by train throughout Europe, and spent the next few weeks traveling throughout Europe. I stayed in youth hostels, made friends, and had the time of my life exploring Europe. I returned home with a new perspective on life, and agreed with my parents to attend college in Washington, rather than California, which was NOT the school I wanted to go to. I wanted to go to school in California with my friends from high school, but mom and dad knew better. They said, "you have to get away from those friends and influences".
What "failing" out of high school taught me, was three important lessons:
1) Mistakes aren't a life sentence. Prior to my senior year, I was viewed by adults as respectful, responsible, a good student, and not the kid they would have expected to get in trouble. When kicked out of school though, I was labeled a "bad" kid. My teachers were very surprised as I wasn't the typical kid to get in trouble. My parents were embarrassed and I felt the church people stare through me wondering what had happened and what I would become. I was determined to prove people wrong. Almost every summer of college I worked at summer/youth camps, and loved it. I gave up the dream to be a doctor, lawyer, etc. and became a teacher. As I started my first teaching job, I gravitated towards the students who were on the fringe, weren't the "good kids", and appeared to be on the verge of messing up. I was a successful teacher because I had learned a hard lesson myself. I had experienced what it's like to feel like a failure, and understood you don't have to be perfect to be a good person and have a good heart. I also learned that I COULD be someone productive even though I hadn't been at one point.
2) Life isn't fair, so get over it, move on, and don't give up. I was angry at first, as I didn't feel it was fair. I didn't have a track record like others, and I didn't deserve the harsh punishment. My choices were: 1) be angry and complain and sit in misery and self-pity, 2) change course and move on with my life. I chose to move on. Forget school for the time-being, and work hard, ski hard (I skied often that winter--one of my favorite sports), and save money to travel the world. I made a conscious choice to not wallow, start fresh, and not give up!
3) ALWAYS remember who you are. I knew that I wanted to give back and be of service in life. From an early age, having grown up in a 3rd world country with poverty, I knew I wanted to give back to others. Growing up playing the piano, I played at church often, filled in when no one was there to play for the little kids rooms, and cleaned up after the potlucks. My heart was always about helping others. No matter how I was judged, no matter I had failed in one part of my life, I knew I still wanted to help others. I was close to being jaded, and could easily have gone there. Though I felt failed by the system, and like I wasn't helped out in my time of greatest need, I never lost sight of who I was. As a teacher and coach, I volunteered for everything. I sponsored everything, went on all the trips, drove kids home, let them crash at my house when needed, and did whatever it took to support them. I had bounced back from feeling like a failure, and I was determined to help anyone I could bounce back and not fail.
The questions we must ask ourselves as educators every day are simple: what do I do, and what can I do, to not allow my students to fail? When they fail, how do I help them bounce back?
I was lucky: I was strong-willed, and I could bounce back. Not all our students have that will and ability. Take the challenge: find that student that you can help. Learn your students stories, celebrate their successes, and help them recover from their failures! Be a champion for every student as even the "good" ones can mess up, and need a cheerleader to help them recover and succeed.
